Is There a Secret to Speaking With Confidence?

The surprising secret to speaking with confidence | Caroline Goyder | TEDxBrixton
Why is it a secret? Who are the confident jerks keeping this secret? Is she allowed to reveal it? So many questions…
Well, it was surprising that’s for sure… I would have never guessed it was the diaphragm! (okay sorry for the antics/I’m being cynical or dramatic)
Caroline’s talk doesn’t really help does it? I doubt if her speech made anyone feel confident/transform… what it did DO was tell us Caroline is confident
How does this connect to business? Businesses themselves have confidence… and when you’re the face of your business… your personality affects that of your business
There is no line between confidence and non-confidence (there is no TRUE/ABSOLUTE confidence… it’s SUBJECTIVE… there is no state that you can reach where you can say I am confident) it all depends on the perception of the audience… and that perception depends on context
When you add “in ancient Rome.. or the Greeks” it suddenly sounds like wisdom
If they had figured it out, why hasn’t that wisdom been passed down to our generations? Why isn’t it taught everywhere that all you need to do is breathe?
I tried it myself, and it DOES help somewhat to CALM you down… because when you start to think about your breathing, you notice it’s fast. So you become aware you’re nervous and try to breathe slower… thus taking your attention slightly away from whatever was making you nervous… but that can work with focussing on anything at all… and the very fact that you’re doing this exercise to not be nervous… reminds you that you’re nervous, on the back of your head… it won’t work… imagine someone points at you and says… hey, are you trying to breathe slower to escape your lack of confidence… then you would collapse… you can’t except your guilt
Something tells me she didn’t come here to actually find you a solution to boost your confidence… she wants to prove to herself that she IS confident (her rehearsed body language said otherwise)… and persent some smart theory with a cheesy prop
Breathing DOES help you when you’re self reflecting… getting prepared… when you dive deep to fight your inner demons
Crazy people have confidence within themselves… and people would even say, well he’s got confidence… but you don’t want THAT kind of confidence do you?
Confidence is inside you… wrong… I mean come on, don’t we judge how we performed by the reactions of others? I mean we’re all confident in our showers… but we don’t seem to think that counts do we.
Imagine Caroline herself being seen by an audience as one who uses cheap gags and sobstories to keep attention… or Caroline talking to a bunch of Carolines who can see thru all her insecurities… she would be a nervous wreck
Things like how her sob story wasn’t exactly like that… or that drawers gag was actually planned by her to be made in that exact design… it was probably made the day before… I mean come on who’s gonna believe that story?
Yes, we DO have to look within… but not at ourselves… well sorta… but the PERCEPTION/REALITY of the audience we have created within ourselves… which makes us feel scared/scare ourselves. Until you destroy those monsters (convice yourself)… it would be like walking past a graveyard while telling yourself it’s just the wind… just the wind… as soon as you hear that first sound of teeth grinding/bones cracking/whispering/doll laughing/footsteps you start to run or pee your pants, probably both. But imagine you’re trying to run away from the cops… and you’re running really fast… and you hide behind a tombstone in a graveyard… will you be scared of ghosts? probaly not… at least not until the sound of the police siren fades away… and everything gets silent… and you realize you’re crouched in the middle a graveyard in the dark with no houses/people around.. and you hear the sound of bones cracking… you get the idea.
Think about when you just watched a horror movie at home at night… wouldn’t you wait until morning to find out what that noise was in the basement? We make our own realities out of emotions… the house and the basement didn’t change… it doesn’t know you watched a horror movie… but you can’t convince yourself that
The problem is, you don’t want to CHEAT… because what you really want is not to make others think you’re confident… you want to impress the scary/demonic audience you have
Does imagining them in underwear work? Well, maybe to some extent… at least until someone in the crowd stands up, points at you and says, Hey! Are you picturing us in our underwear to hide your fear to speak in public you coward? Actually, that won’t be a problem if you’re not doing it/you’re not guilty about doing it. You can just laugh, say no and move along. But remember, we’re not trying to achieve an absolute confidence… which means, some of the audience may not buy your laugh… they will have their own version of you and
In a way, to be confident is to be stupid/You have to be stupid to be confident (ignorance of potential demons)
How can you unknow the existence of such demons… well, I can use logos all I want but we don’t react to plain logos very well… we need strong pathos to create our reality
How can you destroy the fake things you have created? You can find enough logic to tell yourself they’re fake.. but that won’t… like telling yourself the darkness is just the absence of light and night is just a scientific phenomenon that occurs due to the rotation of Earth… you can still be scared of the dark… and ghosts
We miss our grandparents… but won’t we be terrified if they manifested themselves as ghosts in front of us/or sent us messages from the other side?
This is because while the status of our deceased grandparents remain the same, our perceptions of them when we miss them (angels) and when they come back from the dead (ghosts) are different
The emotional appeals/motivations behind those two instances are different
But then do we need to change others? Can we do it?
What you have to do is breakdown/disintregate CONFIDENCE into bits and pieces and see how it’s an illusion/a pattern
She references to comments from “they”… as the deciding factor for if a speaker was confident… so obviously, the judge is not the speaker himself/herself.